So, I was waiting to write about this until the new Planet of the Apes movie came out and the fact that the new movie is such a success makes it even more fun for me to “MARCH INTO THE FORBIDDEN ZONE” of Planet of the Apes movie history!
What would be a more appropriate time to discuss Revenge from Planet Ape? (I mean, this isn’t even a good time to discuss it either, but there isn’t one, so I’m just gonna talk about it now.)
When the Planet of the Apes movie series started with the Charlton Heston movie in 1969 ,those “damn dirty apes” took the world by storm, with sequels and toys and a TV series, comics etc. but nobody, and I mean nobody, was prepared for Revenge From Planet Ape. (So, it’s probably a good thing no one ever saw it.)
Now, to explain Revenge from Planet Ape, I must first explain:
TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD: According to Wikipedia, Tombs of the Blind Dead is, and I quote: ” a 1972 Spanish-Portuguese horror film written and directed by Amando de Ossorio.[1] Its original Spanish title is La noche del terror ciego (lit. English: The Night of the Blind Terror).”
I hate to quote Wikipedia but that’s the easiest way to explain Tombs of the Blind Dead. And even if Wikipedia is wrong, I don’t care, because I couldn’t explain it to you any better.
Anyway, there were sequels to that movie and my favorite one was translated to Night of the Seagulls and, I think, that means the Templar Knights in these movies got their eyes pecked out by seagulls. Maybe. I dunno. I could never figure it out. BUT, there are a whole bunch of weird Spanish/Portugese movies with guys riding around on horseback, dressed up like the Grim Reaper. That’s really all that matters, right? You would think so, but no. It actually gets more complicated than that.
REVENGE FROM PLANET APE is the most insane attempt ever to weld two completely disparate movie franchises together. The Tombs of the Blind Dead series of horseback riding zombies made no sense, so, some guy decided to combine them with The Planet of the Apes Movies because he thought the skulls looked like apes?
The skulls really didn’t look like ape skulls, but the distributor thought they did, so then he decided to make an intro that tenuously linked the ape movies and the Blind Dead movies.
You might be asking yourself, “Is this even legal?” and the answer is “‘No,” which explains why there are only three or four people who have ever heard of Revenge from Planet Ape.
Well, now, five people, because you’ve heard of it.
But I am proud to be one of the three or four people on the entire Internet who have ever talked about Revenge from Planet Ape. Now I hope nobody else ever talks about it again.
So, if you ever feel like watching a Planet of the Apes movie, don’t bother watching Revenge From Planet Ape. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a movie, much less a Planet of the Apes movie.
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