ALL MY LOVE TO THE LOVELAND FROG!

Valentine’s Day can sometimes be a bummer for me. On the rare years I’m not in a committed relationship with a super model, famous actress, pop diva etc., I trend towards the morose. But not this year!! This year I’m choosing to focus on other things in life I love. And I love the Loveland […]


LET’S GO TURBO!

Well, I hope over Christmas you guys all got the TurboGrafx-16 you were wanting. I know I didn’t get one. And nobody got one back in 1989 when it was first unleashed upon an unsuspecting America as a part of (and promptly a loser of) the console wars. But that’s OK because I went and […]


Rudy and Gogo’s Flamin’ Cheese Ball (Cheese, goats and funny puppets for New Years!)

Have you ever gotten a cheese ball for a New Year’s party, and you’re all proud that you got one, but nobody gives a shit about the cheese ball? NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE CHEESE BALL!! I would say that’s a thing that you only really care about when you get older, but NOT FOR ME!! […]


A Very Judge Reinhold Christmas

It’s after midnight on Christmas, so, technically, yesterday was Christmas, but I still feel like typing, so let’s talk about Judge Reinhold! Judge Reinhold has one of the weirdest names ever, and this is coming from someone whose actual birth name is Nick Moose! (I call myself that, but my real name is Derek Reindeer. […]


DOES YOUR URKEL DOLL HAVE GLASSES?

This is the year of “Did I do That To Christmas?: Urkel Saves Santa.” Which doesn’t look so bad from what I’ve seen of it so far. And I’m assuming, if you are reading this website you probably own at least one Urkel doll, which is great, but some of us come upon our Urkel […]


R.I.P Marty

Marty Krofft died the other day. I wasn’t alive yet back when the shows of Sid and Marty Krofft dominated Saturday morning television. (But I am old enough to remember when Saturday morning kids’ shows were a thing, so I think that still counts as me being old.) My personal first encounter with the world […]


AS YET TO BE NAMED CHRISTMAS COLUMN (ALTHOUGH, I DOUBT I’LL NAME IT.)

What were your favorite Christmas ornaments when you were a small child? I had a bunch. The Christopher Radko-looking glass born ornaments made by my grandparent’s grandparents, the felt versions of Frosty the Snowman and his wife my aunt made that we used to stick on the window until they finally , but most importantly, […]


Happy FREAKIN’ Thanksgiving!

Well it’s turkey time again friends, and I have not seen Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving yet, so I have no opinion about it but I AM of the opinion that Blood Freak is a movie that should be aired on TV every Thanksgiving like The Wizard of OZ. (If TV still exists.) The parallels between the […]


HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM GUZOO TO YOU!!

Last Halloween I was in the hospital and the TV was on, I think it was TBS, and they were showing nothing but Jurassic Park movies all night. A nurse came in and said “Ppph. That shit ain’t scary” and she was right. That shit ain’t scary. But then, at like four o’clock in the […]


Grimace’s Belated Birthday!!

I’m literally late to the party on this, and I’m super ashamed, because I’ve mentioned I own a Grimace Christmas cookie jar, so I feel I’d be remiss were I not to mention before next Christmas that that THIS YEAR IS GRIMACES BIRTHDAY!! Not that I need to mention it, because McDonald’s is going all […]