Dear Linkedin: I regret to inform you that I don’t know how to operate a forklift. And I don’t know what a “Salt Dome” is.

I deeply admire and respect anyone capable of operating a forklift, but it’s just not my thing. I can sort of drive a car, I guess, when I have to, but a forklift is not in my skillset. Now, you might be wondering why I’m bringing this up. And I only do so because every […]

Happy Belated Beebo Day!!

Ok, as we all know, 2021 was a year that came in like a lion and went out  like…well,  a lion who was even more of an asshole than the previous lion. This more recent lion even killed Betty White! (What a dick move!) But let’s accentuate the positive. We may have lost Betty, (And […]

HAPPY BELATED EVERYTHING! (November 2021 Edition)

Let me tell ya friends, being a freelance columnist/cartoonist who suffers from crippling ADHD might sound like an awesome career path, but it hasn’t exactly been a day at the beach for me. In fact there are days, or more accurately, months, when I totally forget what I’m supposed to be doing , and November […]

Obligatory Halloween Column

When I went to Kent State, (Yes, believe it or not, I am a college graduate. )  I worked at a costume shop called HALLOWEEN U.S.A.,  and since I couldn’t work a cash register back then (and still can’t.) I only had one job there, which was to pace menacingly back and forth, in front […]

The Lake Medina Monster Revisited

Believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen , this website does not exactly pay my bills.  Which is why I haven’t posted in a while. If I want to be able to afford beer, Sour Patch Kids and Slim Jims, I have to, on occasion, sell out and write columns  for other publications. One […]

Not another Peep.

So, I have this bird outside my house and it will  will not stop chirping, ever. I’m starting to feel like Tippi Hedren. This thing will not shut up. And  I am trying desperately to resist the urge to buy a gun and murder either it or myself . I can’t even sleep anymore because […]

Pickle and “The Middle”

Back in the days of my misbegoten youth, I had a nickname, “Guy at Every Show,” because I went to every single punk show. I saw the Ataris and New Found Glory hundreds of times. (Nothing compared to the amount of times I saw Reel Big Fish and Less than Jake. I number those in […]

Goblins ‘N Graduates. Not a Ghost of a Chance.

If any of you super old school Moosekateers out yonder have managed to mosey on over to this new site, you may dimly recall that my college experience used to be more deserving of the title Nerverending story than the actual Neverdending story, because the actual  Neverending Story ENDED! And for the longest time, my […]

Don’t Monkey Around with my Heart

I was just watching Casablanca on TCM, and it occurred to me, that is the perfect Valentine’s Day movie for me, because it’s about a guy who drinks too much, and doesn’t end up with the girl, in the end, which is pretty much the story of my life. But, there is another classic movie […]

Dustin The Wind

Dustin Diamond just died the other day and I’m feeling emotions about this. The lead singer of  GWAR once said, “The 70’s had a lot of bands who named themselves after geographical locations ( like Boston, America and Kansas) and he said that they all sucked. (I disagree with that, but I do prefer the […]