Actually, I probably didn’t, but I saw some guys that sort looked like them.
To begin with, for the underinformed, I should probably explain who the Montauk Monster and the Jersey Devil are.
I’ll start with the Jersey Devil because he is more well known.
THE JERSEY DEVIL
I’ve been reading about the Jersey Devil since I was a wee lad. The known mythology is that this character called “Old Mother Leeds” had so many children, she eventually got sick of it. She was like an Octo-Mom type, but she did something that some folks might consider even more insidious than starring in a reality show.
If memory serves, old Mama Leeds said, “I’m sick of these children! Should I have one more, LET IT BE A DEVIL!!” So, people in New Jersey think she DID give birth to a devil that looks like a weird camel/bat hybrid thing that roams the Jersey Pine Barrens to this day.
I don’t think I actually saw a Jersey Devil. I just look out windows all the time, hoping to see some kind of monster. What I saw was probably like a loose German Shepherd, a coyote, or a fox on stilts. So, let’s not call this guy that I saw the Jersey Devil. We’ll just call him “the Ohio Annoyance” until he gets fully classified.
I may have not seen the real Jersey Devil, but a lot of people think they did, to the point where it got its MONSTERS IN MY POCKET figure! Which I think is the highest honor any cryptid can be awarded.
You know who wasn’t immortalized as a Monster in My Pocket though? This next guy:
THE MONTAUK MONSTER
Now, there is a good chance you’ve never heard of the Montauk Monster. But if you watched a certain South Park episode, you might remember Al Gore, searching for a creature called the ManBearPig. That’s what this thing looks like. Half man, half bear-pig.(I’m super cereal!)
I couldn’t believe I saw one of these things walking around my backyard, because, by all accounts, the Montauk Monster is just a skinned raccoon that washed up on shore in Montauk. I still don’t know where Montauk is…oh, wait, I looked it up. It’s in New York.
Now, I’ve been around raccoons all my life. They are extremely adorable and extremely dangerous, especially around garbage cans. Do not put a garbage can outside at night, if you think there might be a raccoon in the vicinity. That can only end in tragedy.
Are there even raccoons in New York? I dunno, but we sure have them in Ohio. And this beast carcass is supposed to be a skinned raccoon.
I still think it looks more like a ManBearPig, but I’ll have to ask Al Gore.
What do you think it looks like? I’m gonna post a picture of him down below. (I say “him” because you can actually see a penis.)
I mean, the thing I saw looked like this carcass, but it was walking around. As I said, raccoons are indeed abundant where I live in Ohio, so, there are a ton of hunters and a ton of raccoons. But what did this hunter in Mantauk do? Find the one raccoon in New York, skin it and make a Davy Crocket hat? Do hunters even eat raccoons? Are they edible?
Well, whatever I saw, it was like a walking, living version of this:
(Trigger warning for anyone who dislikes skinned dead animals or animal penises.)
(Oh, wait. I couldn’t get the picture with the penis. You can go to reddit, if you’d like see that. “Montauk Monster” Strange animal washed up on Montauk Shores in 2008. Any idea what animal it is? I think it’s either a dog or a pig. : r/oddlyterrifying (reddit.com)
(Instead I now present you the Montauk Monster Wikipedia picture.)
Leave a Reply