If you’re a fan of MST3K (And who isn’t?) you might remember a high quality film they riffed back in the day called ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES.
It was a good episode, (the “A Danger to Ourselves and Others” song is a highlight) but the thing is, as is the case with many MST3K movies, that was not the first time I saw this movie.
I got a copy on one of those sixteen VHS tape “sci-fi classics” collections. I think they lied though, because I wouldn’t really call it a classic. In fact, this isn’t even really a classic in the giant leech genre of cinema. It isn’t the best giant leech movie. (And as far as I know, this is the only giant leech movie. No, I take that back. I looked it up and they remade this in 2008. Maybe that.) I have yet to subject myself to that one. Of course, even THIS movie would have a remake!!
The VHS copy I have is special, in that the print is SOOO murky you can barely even see Bruno Vesota.
(That comment would be funnier to you if you knew who Bruno Vesota was. Allow me to elaborate. Brunon Vesota was a very hefty character actor who played in pretty much every other cheesy movie in the 1950s and early 60’s. You watch enough of this crap, he become very recognizable to you.)
But having a bad view of Bruno was the least of my worries. I mean, you watch a movie called Attack of the Giant Leeches, you do wanna see the leech action.
And there is, in fact, some leech action, when they take their victims to their lair, and you do hear some creepy sucking sounds, but, I swear, they look like guys in garbage bags. They have some kind of cool sucker things on the garbage bags, but, yeah, otherwise, pretty much garbage bags.
Roger Corman is notable for being thrifty, and this was produced by his brother, Gene Corman, who was, perhaps, even thriftier. The leech bodies are garbage bags, but the sucker thingies they put on them have to have cost upwards of five dollars, so, kinda splurged here.
There are some underwater scenes, and in those, the leeches weirdly seem to have floating tentacles.
I dunno why they look like that. Maybe Gene Corman stole an octopus or something?
Now, I am no leech expert. I pretend to be one at parties, to pick up chicks, but my Leech knowledge is, admittedly, limited. What I do know tells me they are not supposed to have arms, or tentacles, or really any kind of appendages. I thought maybe it was the murky print I was watching, but then I saw it on MST3K, where they had a better print, and I think I still saw some kind of tentacles on the garbage bags.
You may be wondering why I’m even talking about this movie, as it is fairly unremarkable. Well, it just reminds me of my own garbage bag cephalopod, OCTOBONER!
As I’ve mentioned before, my best friend and I once had the grand idea to make a film called Octoboner. We went to the trouble of making a paper mache octopus, filmed a couple scenes of him sitting by a lake in his backyard, and then did nothing else. Octoboner now currently resides rotting in a garbage bag in my basement. (I still have hope we will make that movie one day!)
I don’t know what Squid Game is but I have it on good authority that it is popular, and maybe Octoboner can be too someday. He’s not a leech, but he be could an extra in the next giant leech movie!
In the meantime, watch ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES!!(Or at least the MST3K episode!)
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