Friday, July 5th, 2024 3:17 pm.

This may seem like a negative topic to bring up for 4th of July, especially because of but trust me, facing this will make us stronger as a nation.

As an American born citizen (with a last name that weirdly makes me seem like I’d be a Canadian)  I truly believe If we can survive the lowest of the lows, we can achieve the highest of the highs.

Now, in this particular case, one of the lowest lows I’m talking about is the time Captain America teamed up with NFL SUPERPRO!!

Do you not know who NFL SUPERPRO is? Well, if you don’t know him, don’t feel too bad. I only vaguely know of him because of this one weird comic where he teamed up with Captain America. I happen to own hat comic, from back in the day.

I have a lot of  Captain America comics, I enjoyed his adventures long before he became a movie mega-star. (Even though he was in a movie serial in 1944 he didn’t really become a STAR until Chris Evans and the MCU)  I’d say I was first into his comics right around the time when J.D Salinger’s son played him in a movie that very few people (including me) ever saw.

Much as I thought Cap was cool, as a kid, the comic I’m about to talk about is not one I would have sought out. You see, I have NO IDEA how football is played.  I have nothing against people who do understand and enjoy it, I just don’t.

I actually ENVY jocks, in a non-sarcastic way, because they understand football. And football makes about as much sense to me as “Logic” class did in college. (I don’t know if you’ve ever taken a “Logic” class in college, but even though it sounds like it might be LOGICAL, it’s about as easy to understand as anything ever made by David Lynch.)

Joe Bob Briggs is a personal hero of mine, and he understands football.  He used to be a sports writer, of all things!

And football has been explained to me MANY times, by uncles, cousins, girlfriends, random people in the street, and I still don’t get it.

So, why do I own this football themed Captain America issue, you might ask?  Well, I think I might be able to answer that for you (and hopefully me.)

I think I got it in one of those big sacks of comics that nobody wanted, back in the 90s. I don’t even wanna talk about some of the other crap I got in those. Basically, stores were allowed to bundle together a bunch of leftover comics nobody wanted to buy, so you could be waiting at Wal-Mart for your mom, and she wouldn’t complain if you got a pack of like 20 comics, because it was super cheap.  In those packages, Captain America Meets NFL SuperPro was probably the cream of the crap.

I THINK that’s how I got it, but I have another theory.  I could have traded someone like a really good trading card for a bunch of comics, which may SEEM like a good deal at the time, but trust me, kids, don’t ever do it. (No kids do that anymore but I thought I’d throw that advice in just in case we all travel back in time.)

This series was endorsed by the NFL and written by Fabian Nicieza. I’m saying his name as a PERSONAL favor to him because I had to look him up 50 times to be able to spell it, and I probably STILL didn’t spell it right.. (Hey, my last name might be stupid but at least it’s easy to spell!) Spiderman was in the first issue and Captain America is in this issue. You can always tell how popular a character is based on how many other popular characters they pair him up with to try to sell his book.

I don’t wanna waste any more time speculating on how I ended up with this comic book, because I’m sure you’re dying to know the plot.

To sum it up all quick and neat, Captain America meets some football player with a magic helmet, and they did something together to save something.

The plot is not important; what’s important is that we, as a nation, survived this.

This comic basically appealed to nobody. It didn’t appeal to geeks like me because we don’t understand sports, it didn’t appeal to jocks because they don’t even read comic books. I mean, I have no idea what anyone was thinking, making this. But it’s kind of important that they did, because it now exists in the Hall of Stupid Ideas. (I will buy every issue.)

Yes, there is absolutely no reason for NFL SuperPro to exist, but I love crap that shouldn’t exist, and Captain America is in this issue, so, I thought it was appropriate to discuss it on the 4th of July.

So, have a good 4th, eat some hot dogs or something, but don’t read this comic. I don’t think the forefathers of America died for this thing. At least I hope they didn’t.

And I’m seeing I’m publishing this on the day AFTER. The 4th wasn’t great because the sky rained on my grill.  So, let’s just focus on this goofy comic!



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